翻译了一篇英语文章，关于（慢性）疼痛的思考

前言

其实很久前发现了这篇文章，我本以为这是在讲述慢性疼痛对人的生活潜移默化的影响，觉得对我自己很是适用，毕竟 CPPS 这种慢性疼痛确实对我的生活的影响极其剧烈。

这个文章地址是： https://charity.wtf/2019/04/30/on-pain-careers-and-doing-things-the-hard-way/

于是我甚至大脑产生了一个观点：

慢性疼痛比尖锐的疼痛，对人的生活的影响更大。

我甚至都痴迷了，痴迷于自己心中认为的这篇文章之内容，毕竟...... 自始至终我都没读过这文章。因为我的电脑默认使用的是 Chrome 浏览器。这个浏览器上翻译插件我装了几个，dan都是半吊子不能正常用的，而浏览器自带的谷歌翻译，不科学上网根本不回应我。

所以，渐渐我忘了，也没读过。

之前，摆弄那个“先进”的 Mac OS 自带的 Safari 浏览器，我发现它的插件质量还是不错的，尤其是几个翻译插件，不科学上网都能用。于是我就先自己把这个文章翻译了一遍，然后对照浏览器看看机器翻译的和我翻译的差别大吗？

还行，大差不差。不过让我震惊的是，我本 以为这篇文章讲的是《西游记》，没想到它是讲的《哈利波特》。它丝毫不是讲的我以为的：

论证“慢性疼痛”多么可怕，对你的生活会造成多么大的影响，会塑造你的人格，改变你的命运...... 比剧烈疼痛还要可怕，很可怕很可怕。（毕竟这也很合我意， CPPS 把我折磨的不清）

而是：

大概不是生理上的痛苦，而是心里上的焦虑痛苦..... 我 ..... 无语了。是说她曾经因为某件事痛苦，后来在她的顽强对抗下，她胜利了，她接受并熟悉了这事，她认为痛苦是最好的老师。但后来她否认了这个看法，因为不可控的疼痛（尤其慢性疼痛），并不是好事。会毁掉你的人生。

嗯....算了，下面是我自己翻译的正文，希望对各位有所启发，反正好不容易翻译完了，对我没啥启发。（我感觉我思考的那个问题，层次格局比这个高~ ）

ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

我翻译的正文

原文章地址是： https://charity.wtf/2019/04/30/on-pain-careers-and-doing-things-the-hard-way/

ON PAIN, CAREERS, AND DOING THINGS THE HARD WAY.

关于疼痛、职业、艰苦处事

Seven years ago I was working on backend infra for mobile apps at Parse, resenting MongoDB and its accursed single write lock per replica with all my dirty, blackened soul.  That’s when Miles Ward asked me to give a customer testimonial for MongoDB at AWS reinvent.

七年前，我在 Parse 作手机 APP 后端开发......我对 MongoDB 和它那该死的为每个副本的写入锁、还有我那肮脏的灵魂感到气愤。正是那个时候，Miles Ward 让我给 AWS reinvent 提供一份关于 MongoDB 提供一个反馈演讲（或客户推荐演讲）。

It was my first time EVER speaking in public, and I had never been more terrified.  I have always been a writer, not a talker, and I was pathologically afraid of speaking in public, or even having groups of people look at me.  I scripted every word, memorized my lines, even printed it all out just in case my laptop didn’t work.  I had nightmares every night.  For three months I woke up every night in a cold sweat, shaking.

那是我第一次公众讲话，我从没那样害怕，我一直是撰写人，不是演讲人，而且我“生理上”害怕公众讲话，尤其是一大堆人看着我的那种。我写下为每个词制定的“脚本”，并努力记住每行字，还打印下来（以便应急我的笔记本电脑之宕机）。我每夜都噩梦缠身。三个月里，我每夜都会惊醒，伴随冷汗、胆颤。

And I bombed, completely and utterly.  The laptop DIDN’T work, my limbs and tongue froze, I was shaking so badly I could hardly read my printout, and after I rushed through the last sentences I turned and stumbled robotically off the stage, fully unaware that people were raising their hands and asking questions.  I even tripped over the microphone cord in my haste to escape the stage.

但，最终我还是崩溃了，彻底、完全地崩溃....了，演讲时，电脑宕机，四肢僵硬，口舌笨拙，我身体颤抖的很严重，以致我很难阅读我的打印稿。我匆匆读完最后一行句子，跌跌撞撞离开讲台，丝毫没意识到观众的举手提问题，甚至匆忙离开讲台时又被话筒线绊倒。

Afterwards I burned with unpleasantries — fear, anger, humiliation, rage at being so bad at anything.  It was excruciating.  For the next two years I sought out every opportunity I could get to talk at a meetup, conference, anything.  I got a prescription for propranolol to help manage the physical symptoms of panic.   I gave 17 more talks that year, spending most nights and weekends working on them or rehearsing, and 21 the year after that.  I hated every second of it.

此后，我便被这些负面事情“点燃”了..... 害怕、焦急、羞耻、在每件事情都做的如此糟糕后无休止的愤怒。我很难受。此后两年，我不断寻找每件我能当众讲话的场合和会议或 other anything。我得到了处方药 普萘洛尔 （貌似抗焦虑症的）以便改善我的焦虑症状。我那年又被约了 17 场演讲，花了几乎整夜和整个周末在那里不停排练，第二年年我又做了 21 场。我讨厌那时的每分每秒。

I hated it, but I burned up my fear and aversion as fuel.  Until around 18 months later, when I realized that I no longer had nightmares and had forgotten to pack my meds for a conference.  I brute forced my way through to the other side, and public speaking became just an ordinary skill or a tool like any other.

我真的讨厌，我好像点燃了如燃料般的恐惧情绪......直到 18 个月后，我意识到我我不再怎么做噩梦了，且在一次会议中忘了拿药......嗯，我靠蛮力对抗这个极端，最终让公开讲话已经成为我一个很普通的技能，或者像其他任何普通工具一般。

I was on a podcast last week where the topic was career journeys.  They asked me what piece of career advice I would like to give to people.  I promptly said that following your bliss is nice, but I think it’s important to learn to lean into pain.

我上周参加了一个主题为“职业之旅”的播客节目，他们问我有啥职业建议是我想分享给观众的？我迅速回答，跟随你的感觉必然很好，但我觉得学会与疼痛相处其实更重要。

“Pain is nature’s teacher,” I said.  Feedback loops train us every day, mostly unconsciously.  We feel aversion for pain, and we enjoy dopamine hits, and out of those and other brain chemicals our habits are made.  All it takes is a little tolerance for discomfort and a some conscious tweaking of those feedback loops, and you can train yourself to achieve big things without even really trying.

“疼痛是天然的老师”我说。各种身体反馈信息每天循环绕行来打磨训练我们，大多数我们意识不到，我们厌恶疼痛，我们喜欢多巴胺的撞击，伴随着这些大脑化学反应，我们的习惯就这样逐渐养成了。它对一些不舒服的容忍，和一些对身体反馈流的有意识的调整，基于此，你可以作一些大事情，甚至于你并不用亲身去尝试。

But then I hesitated.  Yes, leaning in to pain has done well for me in my career.  But that is not the whole story, it leaves off some important truths.  It has also hurt me and held me back.

不过我.....犹豫了。对，学着与疼痛相处在我的职业生涯中作的很好，但这不是完整故事，好像忽略了什么重要细节。没错，它也刺伤了我！

Misery is not a virtue.  Pain is awful.  That’s why it’s so powerful and primal. It’s a pre-conscious mechanism, an acute response that kicks in long before your conscious mind.  Even just the suggestion of pain (or memory of past trauma) will train you to twist and contort around to avoid it.
When you are in pain, your horizons shrink.  Your vision narrows, you curl inward. You have to expend enormous amounts of energy just moving forward through the day inch by inch.

艰苦不是美德，疼痛是极糟糕的。这是为什么它如此原始和强大，它是一个有意识的机械装置，在你意识想法出现前给你一个尖锐警告（或者也叫前意识机制，是“前”，不是“潜”）。“疼痛式建议”（或过去精神创伤的回忆）会让你跌跌撞撞去完成某些事。当你处于疼痛，你的格局会低，视野会小，你内耗，你不得不花费巨大的力量以便一点点的穿过之后的日日夜夜。

Everything is hard when you’re in pain.  Your creative brain shuts down.  Basic life functions become impossible tests.  You have to spend so much time compensating for your reduced capacity that learning new things is nearly impossible.  You can’t pick up on subtle signals when your nerves are screaming in agony.  And you grow numb over time, as they die off from sheer exhaustion.

疼痛中的一切都艰难，你的创造力会宕机，“基本生活功能”也会变成不可能的试验，你会花费大笔时间在（或也叫弥补）你失去的生活能力上，以致你无法学新东西。在你紧张，为痛苦呻吟时你无法得到其他细微的信号。你的伴随时间流逝失去知觉，这些机制会因疲倦而死亡。

I am no longer the CEO of honeycomb.

我不在是 honeycomb 的首席执行官（CEO）

I never wanted to be CEO; I always fiercely wanted a technical role.  But it was a matter of company survival, and I did my best.  I wasn’t a great CEO, although we did pretty well at the things I am good at or care about.  But I couldn’t expand past them.

我从未想成为 CEO，我一直很像做一个技术角色。但这是一个公司的生存问题，我尽力了.....我不是个好 CEO，虽然我在我擅长之事或关注的事上做的很好，但我无法超越它。

I hated every second of it.  I cried every single day for the first year and a half.  I tried to will myself into loving a role I couldn’t stand, tried to brute force my way to success like I always do.  It didn’t get better.  My ability to be present and curious and expansive withered.  I got numb.

我恨它在每分每秒，我每天都为那最开始的一年半而哭，我逼迫自己去喜欢这个我不能担任的角色。尽力使用我的方式（就我经常做的那个）去喜成功喜欢。但并没更好。我的当下、好奇心、创造能力逐渐调零，我麻木了。

Turns out not every problem can be powered through on a high pain tolerance.  The collateral damage starts to rack up.  Sometimes the only way to succeed is to redefine success.

事实表明，并非每个事情都能在高度疼痛忍受上进行解决，其附带的损害开始积累。一些时候，唯一能成功的方式就是..... 重新定义这件事的所谓“成功”。

Pain is a terrific teacher, but pain is an acute response.  Chronic pain will hijack your reward pathways, your perspective, your relationships, and every other productive system and leave them stunted.

“疼痛”是糟糕的老师，但疼也是一个尖锐的身体响应（急性反应），慢性疼痛会劫持你的奖励机制，你的远见，你的人际关系，以及其他一切“产出系统”并阻碍它们的发展。

Leaning in to pain can be powerful if you have the agency and ability to change it, or practice it to mastery, or even just adapt your own emotional responses to it.  If you don’t or you can’t, leaning in to pain will kill you.  Having the wisdom to know the difference is everything.  Or so I’m learning.

向“疼痛”学习，如果你有办法或能力改变这个疼痛（或对它很熟悉，或者只是调整你的情感来响应它），那么它将会有相当巨大的能力。但如果你没有这个本事，那盲目向“疼痛”学习，它将会杀掉你。这是最重要的，如果你足够有智慧知道这个差别意味着什么，这是很很很重要的。（或者说，我也正在学着研究这个差异....）

From here on out I’ll be in the CTO seat.  I don’t know what that even means yet, but I guess we’ll find out.  Stay tuned. 

现在，我将成为 首席技术官（CTO），我不知此意味什么，但我猜想我会知道的。敬请期待。